I've not been on here much lately as my Dad is terminally ill with stomach cancer. He had an op in March and all was well and then he went back for a scan in June to be told the cancer had spread all over the intestines. He can't have chemo as he has had 3 heart attacks (he is 82) and the doctor said it would kill him.

Things have now worsened as he was admitted in to the hospice yesterday with fluid in his abdomen which they are going to drain off and they don't know how long he will be in for. My mum is also ill and Dad usually cares for her. My brother pops in and out as he lives 10 mins away where as i am 1 hour away. I feel so guilty as because of this RA i can't help as much as i would like to although since i've been on Enbrel (6 injections so far) i am feeling a little better.

I don't know what will happen with Mum when Dad goes as she can't care for herself and i can't care for her 24/7. My brother had a huge heart attack last year so is not in the best of health and the worst thing is that he is back at court next month for sentencing and is looking at a 1 to 2 year sentence (that's another story)

It's so very sad to see this happening to my family and i feel so powerless to do anything to stop it.

I just want to hibernate until it's all over but i know that i have to support them.

Love Shirley x

Hi Shirley,

I`m so very sorry to hear your sad news. You are bound to be sad and anxious, but Sheila has said some very wise words which I hope will be of help to you. Try not to feel guilty - you didn`t ask for RA, with all the problems it brings.

Thinking of you,

Kathleen x

Hi Shirley

Just to say I am so very sorry to hear what a terribly difficult time you are having at the moment, and it is so frustrating not being able to do what you want to do at such times and only those with RA can really understand it all.

Thinking of you and your family, please keep us posted.

Julia xx

Thank you all. I will make some enquires about carers. i havn't heard of the princess royal carers Jenni but will certainly look them up, thanks.

Dad is having the fluid from his abdomen drained today and also has an irregular heart beat at the moment which the hospice are getting under control.

I'm going to see him on Sunday with my eldest daughter Gemma and we are going to help Mum also, well Gemma will probably clean for her as i can't.

I will keep you all informed and thanks for being so understanding, it means alot.

Love Shirley x

Hi Shirley

So sorry to hear your sad news, I do hope your Dad is more comfortable after his treatment today.

My Dad was seriously ill recently and I was able to organise a lot of help through Social Services including respite care (untl a care package could be put in place), daily carers to help with the things he couldn't do himself, a cleaner and a shopper (through Age Concern). He had an OT assessment which gave him access to additional resources and a physio assessment. All these things should be available to your Mum if the need arises.

In the meantime do try to enjoy your time together, memories are very precious.

Lyn x

hi Shirley,

just wanted to say i hope your Dad is as comfortable as it's possible to be,

i hope you can spend some quality time with him,

and that you can get Carers help when needed.

take care,

Suzanne x

Shirley

Thinking of you Shirley - it is so hard to go through. Just remember, you don't have to be strong on here. xx Ailsa

So sorry to hear about your dad Shirley. I'm in pretty much the same situation with my mum, she was admitted to the hospice on Sunday. Please ask the staff about care arrangements for your mum. Even though they can't provide the service they will probably know the best way to get it. Our hospice has been brillian in making sure both my mum and dad have got what they need. I know it's such a minefield and completely mind boggling. Good luck and take care.

Julie xx